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Ask Maddisen (94)

Maddisen K. Krown, M.A. is a Life Coach, Columnist, and Speaker who works with individuals and groups throughout the U.S. and the world. She supports the wholeness and well being of her clients, guiding them into the fuller purpose and quality of life that calls them.Â

Maddisen holds a Master’s degree in Spiritual Psychology from the University of Santa Monica, and is a graduate of the ICF accredited Coach for Life program. She also holds a B.S. in English/Technical Writing & Computer Science. In addition to the NoHo Arts District News, Maddisen writes for The Huffington Post. Based in Los Angeles, she donates a substantial amount of her time in service as a counseling facilitator in her community. Contact her at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and visit her website at www.maddisenkrown.com 

Tuesday, 26 August 2014 06:08

How to Keep Up with Change and Stay Positive!

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Dear Maddisen,
Everything is changing faster than ever, and I’m not sure how to keep up, especially with my thinking.  It’s like my ideas about wanting good things in life to be permanent and not change too much are being challenged now.  How do I keep up with the changes and think positively about them? Thanks, MHT

Dear MHT,
Great question!  I too am definitely noticing the rapid changes around me, in technology and science, cultural trends, in people’s behaviors – in just about everything!  You are ‘spot on’ with your observation that our thoughts must evolve if we are to keep up in positive ways with this rapid evolution of our world.  

There is a book that speaks exactly to what you are dealing with, and I recommend you move this book to the top of your reading list.  It is called, “Do You Quantum Think?” by Dianne Collins.

The description of the book explains it all: “The world is changing at a dizzying pace. We’re all looking for new ways of thinking that can bring about real solutions to modern problems, from the pursuit of inner serenity to solving world conflicts. In Do You Quantum Think?, author Dianne Collins shares her ingenious discovery that reveals a critical missing link to make sense of our changing times.  Her discovery provides us with the understanding and methodology to rise above problems of today by laying the foundation for an entirely new way to think.” You can purchase the book on Amazon. Also, here is the link to her website: http://diannecollins.com/

This book has greatly helped me to understand the why and how of change and the state of rapid evolution we are in. As a result, I am definitely feeling more positive and able to accept, and even enjoy, the changes as I experience them in my life and witness them with others.  Dianne also offers a series of simple yet profound principles and practices to support her teachings.  Plus, I love staying aware of and practicing Gandhi's wise advice to BE the change I wish to see in the world.

And so MHT and all of my readers, I hope this leads you to the answers you are seeking and supports your desired path of keeping up with and staying positive with the changes in your life.

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” – George Bernard Shaw

When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Viktor E. Frankl

 “If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living.” – Gail Sheehy

Your Life Coach,
Maddisen

Copyright 2014 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.

Dear Maddisen,
I’m six months pregnant with my first child.  My husband and I are very happy and excited about having a baby. We understand it’s a big responsibility.  Do you have any advice for us on raising a happy child?  Thanks, SC

Dear SC,
Thanks for reaching out to me. Congrats on your pregnancy!  I have a great source of information to share with you and your husband, which should exactly address and directly support you in creating an emotionally healthy and happy family.

About 2 years ago, I had the great pleasure of meeting Dr. Gerald and Deborah Newmark at an event hosted by a hospice group here in Los Angeles. That meeting with the Newmarks changed my life, because it exposed me to one of the most powerful yet simple methods for raising emotionally healthy children, and I made two new life-long friends!  Gerald and his wife Deborah are the founders of the non-profit organization – The Children’s Project.

The Five Critical Needs of Children (and Parents)

Dr. Newmark’s book, “How to Raise Emotionally Healthy Children”, is a practical resource that enables parents and teachers to create emotionally healthy environments for kids and themselves. 

Dr. Newmark identifies five critical needs that all children have throughout their lives, and then clearly lays out the steps for meeting these needs in your own family. 

The Five Critical needs are:
1. The need to feel Respected
2. The need to feel Important
3. The need to feel Accepted
4. The need to feel Included
5. The need to feel Secure

Let’s face it! The truth is that we ALL have these 5 critical needs, at EVERY AGE.  So, this program is good for and can be applied by EVERYONE!

I highly recommend Dr. Newmark’s book!  It’s very easy to read and implement, and inexpensive.  It is available in several languages including English and Spanish. You can purchase it through their website and Amazon.

Here is the link to the Newmark's website, which is chock full of educational and useful information. http://emotionallyhealthychildren.org/

Dr. Newmark says, “Emotional health provides the foundation for success at school and in life. I believe that one of the most serious and under-recognized problems facing our nation today is the failure to meet the emotional needs of our children. These needs are neglected at home and at school. This neglect, which I call “the missing agenda,” jeopardizes the future of our children and our society. "How To Raise Emotionally Healthy Children" was written to raise public consciousness regarding the problem and to provide a practical resource to enable parents, teachers and childcare providers to do something about it.”

“This is a book that parents – especially new parents – should have by their bedside.” – Roy W. Menninger, M.D., Menninger Foundation

Through The Children’s Project, Gerald and Deborah continue to successfully dedicate their lives to work for the improvement of the emotional health of children, parents, families, schools and cities throughout the world.  Thank you Gerald and Deborah for this divinely inspired legacy!

And so dear SC, and all my readers, I hope this provides a clear solution to the question of how to raise emotionally healthy children in today’s world!  You have my happiest and healthiest wishes. 

Your Life Coach,
Maddisen

 

Copyright 2014 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.

 

 

 

Dear Readers,
Are you aware of your power to create the life that serves your greatest good, and the greatest good of all life, but not yet fully expressing and using it to have the success you desire in every area of your life?

Dear Maddisen:

My mother is very ill. In my opinion, she’s been a bad mother, always depressed, angry, reactive, self-centered, critical of her kids. My siblings and I have all had issues and have needed therapy because of her. But to her defense, she raised the 4 of us alone and on her own. I’m the oldest and our father abandoned ship when I was a baby. But I have turned out really well. I used to watch my mother when I was younger, and remind myself to NOT be like her. Instead to see the glass half-full, to be even tempered, generous, kind, supportive, and grateful for life. But now I’m torn. She’s reaching out to me and my siblings now that she knows she is dying and her time is limited, and I just don’t know what to do. Does she deserve our support and kindness after what she’s done? Thanks, KM

Dear KM,
Thank you for sharing so honestly about something as deeply personal and private as this. And for asking the difficult question.

I relate to your story with your mother; although my challenging journey has been with my father, not my mother. In fact, I’ve written about my journey with my parents as they become elders needing support, in a previous blog “Becoming Our Parents’ Parents”. 

When I was a young teen, I would watch my father, especially during his reactive and unhappy times, and tell myself that I would NOT turn out like him, but that instead I would seek positive lessons from life’s experiences – the bad and the good ones – and be an even tempered, loving, supportive, optimistic role model in the world.

In fact, I think I became a ‘conscious life coach’ and counselor BECAUSE of my father and his negative role modeling. This is at the core of the Abraham-Hicks material – that our ‘contrasting’ or negative experiences are what directly turn us toward our positive, desired experiences. When I consistently compare this philosophy to my own life, I see its truth. KM, can you see how your mother’s negative ways propelled you into your positive ways?

This also takes us out of feeling like a ‘victim’ of our lives, and gives us back our power and trust in the experiences we have. This is because we stop talking about what 'life does to hurt us’ and start seeing what 'life does to help us’ lean into the light of our growth and fulfillment. Remember, much of the grandeur and beauty of the natural land we live on is formed through adverse conditions. Humans are part of this natural system, not separate, so our methods of growth may also include adversity or ‘contrasting’ experiences.

This is why I refer to my dad as an ‘unconscious life coach’, because he unconsciously helped me to become the fulfilled, whole and healthy, and self-realized person I am, and continue to become. 

And perhaps KM, your mother is your unconscious life coach. Do you think? If so, how can you use her unconscious life coaching to turn toward your positive, desired experiences? Sounds like you’ve already been doing that!

Does your mother deserve your support and kindness? Ultimately, only you can decide the answer to this. However, my answer is “Yes” your mother deserves your support and kindness. The catch – you can’t expect anything in return.

As I wrote in my blog, “Becoming Our Parents’ Parents”, I instinctively know that supporting and loving my dad as he prepares for his transition back to the non-physical realm – is the right thing to do. That I practice unconditional love is what matters to me most. When we love unconditionally, we do it without expecting or needing anything in return. And this feels deeply gratifying. This may be because at our core, we all come from the same Source energy of love.

I also have a strong sense that our unconditional love travels with those who pass on; that it’s like paying it forward to future (and past) generations! And I also believe that love and forgiveness release karma.

And so, dear KM, I hope these insights are helpful and useful for you. And that you can see the possibility that your mother has been one of your primary and most powerful life coaches, albeit an ‘unconscious’ one! Be kind, caring, patient, and loving with yourself as you navigate through this potent and tender time of helping your mother leave this world held in the loving energy from whence she came. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, love to love.

Your Conscious Life Coach, Maddisen

The Paradoxical Commandments. by Dr. Kent M. Keith

"People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway."

 

Copyright 2014 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.

 

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