Maddisen K. Krown, M.A. is a Life Coach,Â Columnist, and Speaker who works with individuals and groups throughout the U.S. and the world. She supports the wholeness and well being of her clients, guiding them into the fuller purpose and quality of life that calls them.Â
Are you aware of your power to create the life that serves your greatest good, and the greatest good of all life, but not yet fully expressing and using it to have the success you desire in every area of your life?
My mother is very ill. In my opinion, she’s been a bad mother, always depressed, angry, reactive, self-centered, critical of her kids. My siblings and I have all had issues and have needed therapy because of her. But to her defense, she raised the 4 of us alone and on her own. I’m the oldest and our father abandoned ship when I was a baby. But I have turned out really well. I used to watch my mother when I was younger, and remind myself to NOT be like her. Instead to see the glass half-full, to be even tempered, generous, kind, supportive, and grateful for life. But now I’m torn. She’s reaching out to me and my siblings now that she knows she is dying and her time is limited, and I just don’t know what to do. Does she deserve our support and kindness after what she’s done? Thanks, KM
Thank you for sharing so honestly about something as deeply personal and private as this. And for asking the difficult question.
I relate to your story with your mother; although my challenging journey has been with my father, not my mother. In fact, I’ve written about my journey with my parents as they become elders needing support, in a previous blog “Becoming Our Parents’ Parents”.
When I was a young teen, I would watch my father, especially during his reactive and unhappy times, and tell myself that I would NOT turn out like him, but that instead I would seek positive lessons from life’s experiences – the bad and the good ones – and be an even tempered, loving, supportive, optimistic role model in the world.
In fact, I think I became a ‘conscious life coach’ and counselor BECAUSE of my father and his negative role modeling. This is at the core of the Abraham-Hicks material – that our ‘contrasting’ or negative experiences are what directly turn us toward our positive, desired experiences. When I consistently compare this philosophy to my own life, I see its truth. KM, can you see how your mother’s negative ways propelled you into your positive ways?
This also takes us out of feeling like a ‘victim’ of our lives, and gives us back our power and trust in the experiences we have. This is because we stop talking about what 'life does to hurt us’ and start seeing what 'life does to help us’ lean into the light of our growth and fulfillment. Remember, much of the grandeur and beauty of the natural land we live on is formed through adverse conditions. Humans are part of this natural system, not separate, so our methods of growth may also include adversity or ‘contrasting’ experiences.
This is why I refer to my dad as an ‘unconscious life coach’, because he unconsciously helped me to become the fulfilled, whole and healthy, and self-realized person I am, and continue to become.
And perhaps KM, your mother is your unconscious life coach. Do you think? If so, how can you use her unconscious life coaching to turn toward your positive, desired experiences? Sounds like you’ve already been doing that!
Does your mother deserve your support and kindness? Ultimately, only you can decide the answer to this. However, my answer is “Yes” your mother deserves your support and kindness. The catch – you can’t expect anything in return.
As I wrote in my blog, “Becoming Our Parents’ Parents”, I instinctively know that supporting and loving my dad as he prepares for his transition back to the non-physical realm – is the right thing to do. That I practice unconditional love is what matters to me most. When we love unconditionally, we do it without expecting or needing anything in return. And this feels deeply gratifying. This may be because at our core, we all come from the same Source energy of love.
I also have a strong sense that our unconditional love travels with those who pass on; that it’s like paying it forward to future (and past) generations! And I also believe that love and forgiveness release karma.
And so, dear KM, I hope these insights are helpful and useful for you. And that you can see the possibility that your mother has been one of your primary and most powerful life coaches, albeit an ‘unconscious’ one! Be kind, caring, patient, and loving with yourself as you navigate through this potent and tender time of helping your mother leave this world held in the loving energy from whence she came. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, love to love.
Your Conscious Life Coach, Maddisen
The Paradoxical Commandments. by Dr. Kent M. Keith
"People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.
People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway."
Copyright 2014 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.
I’ve heard so much about how great meditation is, but there’s too much information for me to get through. I’d like to dip my toe in the water and try it. Do you meditate? Can you give me some suggestions? Thank you, RO
Why do I keep ending up on dates with guys who are not what my heart desires? And who are not the right match for me at all?! I want to change this, for the better! CS
This is a very common question and frustration. The truth is - whether you’re a man or a woman, finding someone who feels like a healthy and happy match can be a challenge and a mystery for sure! But I believe, and my experiences have been showing me, that we definitely have the ability to be more at cause over what we experience in life, and more specifically, what kind of people and love partners we attract.
If you are ready to get out of the trunk and into the driver’s seat in this situation, you must first get clear about what you want, and then practice thoughts, feelings, and actions that support what you want. Taking control of your own life and changing from the inside is the most empowering and effective way to experience changes on the outside.
We are Here to Love Now
Try this simple and powerful approach:
List 3-5 or more things your heart desires in the area of love relationships.
• Date someone who is really wonderful and a great match for me
• Find the person of my dreams
• Have a fulfilling and loving relationship that grows into marriage and family
• Experience lasting mutual and deep love and intimacy with my mate
Next, turn these desires into Afformations. (If you’re not sure what an Afformation is, take a few minutes and read my previous blog, and then come back to do this!) “The Right Way to Ask and Receive – Finally!” http://nohoartsdistrict.com/ask-maddisen/item/2284-the-right-way-to-ask-and-receive-finally#.U1VHY2GPLIU
• Why am I dating someone now who is wonderful and the perfect match for me?
• Why are we both so happy that we’re the perfect match for each other?
• Why is it natural and easy to find the person of my dreams?
• Why am I having the most fulfilling and loving relationship I could imagine?
• Why are my partner and I getting married and creating a wonderful family life together?
Write your Afformations in a journal, and read and recite them aloud daily for the next 40 days. Also note in your journal any realizations you have during this process. And if any other non-empowering thoughts or beliefs arise related to this area, simply turn them into positive Afformations and add them to you daily list!
Fact: Improve Your Thoughts and You’ll Improve Your Life
And so dear CS and all my readers – simple steps like these are your keys to fulfillment and freedom. So grab the keys and get out of the trunk and back into the driver’s seat of your precious life. Consciously choose and practice thoughts that reflect your heartfelt desires. Trust that your desires are coming to you to tell you what is already being created for you. This is one of the main reasons we are here – to enjoy the miracle of life on this miraculous planet Earth!
“Live your beliefs and you can turn the world around.” – Henry David Thoreau
“What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.” – Tony Robbins
“Believe in love. Believe in magic. Hell, believe in Santa Clause. Believe in others. Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. If you don't, who will?” – Jon Bon Jovi
Your Life Coach,
Copyright 2014 Maddisen K. Krown M.A.
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