By Sheena Metal
Ideally, it should always be the way you’ve
imagined it in your daydreams. You get the phone
call you’ve been waiting for: the big live
review, the hot music management company wants
you to sign with them, the A&R rep from that
major label is coming to your next showcase, or
you were picked as one of the best unsigned
musicians in the area. Your first thought is to
share your good news with your best friends,
your comrades, your fellow struggling musicians.
After all, your group of great friends has been
chasing the musical brass ring together since
high school: the ups and downs, the successes
and failures, the hits and flops. Certainly,
when you tell them of your latest big break,
they’ll stand up and cheer, slap you on the
back, raise their glasses in toast, buy you
drinks until closing time. You are happier than
you’ve ever been. You are going to be a rockstar
with your awesome group of best friends by your
side.
But what if your band of brothers or sisters,
isn’t quite as happy for you as you’d expected
when your share your big news with them? What if
there’s more silence than cheering, more pouting
than back slapping…what if you have to buy all
of your own drinks at your celebratory event?
The following are a few tips that may help you
to determine if your friends are more like the
green-eyed monster than they are monstrously
elated over your newest career success:
-
The Closet Seethe --- Nothing
is more disappointing than sharing exciting
news with friends only to have them stare
blankly at you, wounded, as if the tidbit
you just shared had been not of your good
fortune but of their impending deaths.
Silence such as this is almost always
indicative of creative jealousy. Your
friends are exhibiting the classic, “If you
don’t have anything nice to say…” adage by
simply saying nothing. The big fake smile
and croaking of, “Great. I’m really happy
for you” through clenched teeth only serves
to make your friends seem more seething than
when they were mute.
-
The Third Degree --- It’s
your big day, supposedly, but some people
always need to make it about them and
nothing takes the excitement out of your big
announcement like getting the third degree
from your friends. When, “Wow! That’s
terrific news!” gets replaced by, “Oh yeah?
How’d you get that?” it may be time to start
asking, “With friends like these, who needs
jealous enemies?” Honestly, there are only
two reasons that your friends are giving you
the Third Degree: one, they want to know how
you got what you got so they can follow the
same course to get it for themselves or two,
they want to find some special reason why
the good fortune is happening to you and not
them…like you slept with the magazine
editor, the label guy is your cousin, or
your blackmailed the management company into
signing you on.
-
The Alpha Dog --- Clearly,
there is an aspect of the artistic
personality that craves being the center of
attention. It is often that drive for fame
and adoration that’s shaped some of
history’s hugest popstars. So, don’t be
surprised if your jealous friend squashes
your elation with the announcement of his or
her bigger news. If you win Best Songwriter
in the city, then he/she’s won Best
Songwriter in the country, in the world, in
the galaxy, or in the universe. This is the
kind of musician that constantly needs
affirmation (from him/herself and others)
that he/she is the hottest, coolest and most
talented artist around. No matter how famous
you get, you’ll always play second fiddle to
the Alpha Dog…even if it’s just in his or
her mind.
-
The Red Baron --- Don’t get
used to the high of your good fortune just
yet, because the Red Baron will shoot it
down faster than you can say, “jealous
loser.” No matter what your exciting news,
the Red Baron will find a way to discredit
it and reduce it to frivolity within
minutes. Sadly, he or she will also do their
best to convince everyone in your company
that your great excitement is seriously lame
by citing examples of his/her own experience
in the same case (and how stupid it was) or
that “friends” of his/hers have been where
you are now and nothing much really came of
it. Expect to be constantly disappointed
with the Red Baron as a friend.
-
The Saboteur --- This is the
jealous friend you need to watch out for. He
or she may be all big smiles, back slaps,
and free beer at the time of the
announcement but secretly there’s a hidden
plan hatching quietly under his/her luminous
jack-o-lantern grin. Days after your spill
your great luck, you may find that it is no
longer happening. Either the source of your
good fortune is now simply not interested or
has found a better candidate on which to
bestow the greatness of your former musical
riches: your jealous friend, The Saboteur!
Mum’s the word around this one.
-
The Beggar --- Probably, the
most insidious of all of the jealous
friends, the Beggar will fall apart seconds
after the exciting revelation has left your
lips. “Why, oh why”, he or she will exclaim,
“Is this happening for you and not me? What
have I done wrong? I’ve put years and years
into this business and nothing ever happens
for me!” There will be whining, cajoling
and, of course, lots of crying. Crocodile
tears will spill down the face of your
jealous friend as he or she begs you to get
him/her the same opportunities you have.
There will be threats of “getting out of the
business,” threats of never talking to you
again because “I’m too much of a loser to be
friends with a successful person like you,”
threats of disappearing forever, running
away, holding his or her breath until death
ensues. By the time The Beggar is done with
you, you’ll gladly hand over your new
musical prize, just to get the begging to
stop.
Unfortunately, we’ve all had
friends in the music business just like this and
although you may think it will pass, that they
will grow out of it at some point, usually these
personality types are here to stay. Any of these
sorts of pals will drain you emotionally and
creatively, backstab you at every turn, and
definitely not look out for your best interests.
In short these so-called “friends” are not your
friends at all. Real friends support you through
good and bad, and are genuinely happy for your
good fortune even if the same level of success
never comes to them. So, if any of your buddies
fit one or more of the criteria above: get away
from them, change your phone number, don’t
answer your door, wear a hat, cross to the other
side of the street when you see them…and then
please, make some real friends.
Sheena Metal is a radio host, producer,
promoter, music supervisor, consultant,
columnist, journalist and musician. Her
syndicated radio program, Music Highway Radio,
airs on over 700 affiliates to more than 126
million listeners. Her musicians’ assistance
program, Music Highway, boasts over 10,000
members. She currently promotes numerous live
shows weekly in the Los Angeles Area, where she
resides. For more info:
http://www.sheena-metal.com.
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